Song of Songs
by Celtic Amazon
Summary: Amelia Novak's husband is gone. The angel Castiel is all that remains. This is a look at Amelia's character, using the "Song of Songs" or the "Song of Solomon" as a backdrop.
1. Solomon

**SOLOMON**

Her eyes are open before the alarm goes off: again. She's rolled over into a cold spot, where she kicked the covers off last night. Every morning she wakes up freezing, and a little more alone, and the dreams that were a comfort in the dark, fall away into the cold dawn.

_Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. _

The image of his eyes, his lips, fade and fray at the edges as daylight taunts her with reality, and what is left of him, her husband recedes, back into the world where she can't follow him.

_Draw me, we will run after thee _

Claire is awake; Amelia hears her daughter moving around in the kitchen. She's been a steady, silent, faithful presence since her father was torn out of her life for the second time. She's been a surprising well of strength, that she shouldn't have to be; is too young to be.

Amelia closes her eyes.

_A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts. _

She tries to remember what it was to hear the swell and fall of her husband's breath, the way she did once, when she lay in the dark.

_Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair _

Sometimes, it helps to imagine him on their wedding day. More than a decade ago, these pictures in her mind are still some of the sharpest. Walking down that long aisle, she'd been trembling with a thousand different feelings, but her groom was calm and even. He looked into her so serenely, she swore he could see their marriage before him like a road map, or a chart a steady course he would navigate come hell or high water. And the figurative flame, and the figurative flood did come, and they'd barely begun to be husband and wife it seemed.

_Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green._

She opens her eyes. She heaves herself out of bed and into another day. She does it for her daughter. She does it for what is left of her family.

_The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir. _


	2. The Rose of Sharon

**THE ROSE OF SHARON **

.

She dreams. She dreams that they are in the first house they bought. The pipes creak, their furniture is secondhand, Jimmy makes her favorite spaghetti sauce every Friday night, and Claire is a baby.

_As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. _

In the dream, though, all of the light bulbs in their new house are flickering. They keep burning out. This isn't how she remembers it...

_Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. _

Rain starts up and spills down the window panes. She is looking out over their tiny backyard, where Jimmy has been building a sandbox for their daughter, where she'll be able to play when the weather is warmer. She's already crawling.

_His left hand is under my head, and his right hand clasps me _

And then he is there: her husband, solid, real. The baby isn't crying. He must have put her down for her nap.

_My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; _

She thinks she could stay here forever.

_The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. _

She knows she can't stay here.

_My beloved is mine, and I am his; until the day break, and the shadows flee away._


	3. By Night

**BY NIGHT**

Claire is with her aunt tonight, and Amelia breathes deeply into the silence of the house. She is alone.

_By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not. _

The breeze blows the curtains, and rattles the branches outside in restless imitation of what goes on inside her mind, and she gets up, flicking light switches as she goes, filling the house with a yellow electric glow if nothing else.

_I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not. _

It's not long past midnight when she hears the first sound outside. The lid of a garbage can clatters to the ground, and she's been panic stricken over the sounds of stray cats and raccoons before, but she steps quickly away from any windows anyways. The back door cracks in loudly, swinging wildly off its hinges. The salt lines have faltered, and the two men possessed are pinning her to the carpet before she can draw the breath to cry out.

_The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth? _

An instant later, their crushing weight is gone, and through the blur of the ensuing scuffle, she makes out a painfully familiar figure.

5'11" , blue eyes, brown hair, medium build. Once, she condensed her husband into just that, the small manageable bits the police could put in their missing person's report. That was before she knew; before she knew that her husband, the man she'd diligently described had essentially been stolen; hijacked by a higher power.

He kills the men. He must have. There's so much blood.

_It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go_

He grips her, supports her by the shoulders, and she fists her hands in his coat. She's sobbing, and not entirely with fear by now. His own breaths come fast and harsh almost mirroring hers, but his eyes are impassable. Down the front of the white dress shirt, a slash and an accompanying crimson stain. She takes his arm on instinct when he falters, the contact nearly shattering her. The sheer solidity of him, is painful. He wards the bedroom, and she eases him onto the bed. 

_Behold his bed, which is Solomon's._

He looks up at her with achingly familiar blue eyes, gazing intently, and it takes every ounce of her not to reach out and touch him again, just close her eyes, and pretend for a split second that he is actually Jimmy. He says little, offers little, just assures her he'll make sure she's safe until he can recover. He'll be whole by dawn, and then they will have to leave.

_They all hold swords, being expert in war: every man hath his sword upon his thigh because of fear in the night. _


	4. From The Lions' Den

**FROM THE LION'S DEN**

He's closed his eyes, fallen asleep; if angels sleep.

_Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair_

With his features relaxed, hair tousled on the pillow, he looks so much like the version of him she wants.

_Until the day breaks, and the shadows flee away._

Her fingers rest hesitantly on the mattress just beside his elbow, and she brushes the backs of them across the sleeve of his coat. He doesn't stir, and the aching pit inside of her, grows bolder, and her hand draws closer to his face, hovering over his lips. She can feel his breath, from his slightly parted lips, and she feels her own breath hitch. His eyes flicker open. She draws away quickly.

_Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse._

"Amelia"

She refuses to turn, to look at him.

_A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed._


	5. The Watchmen

**THE WATCHMEN**

She watches him pull himself up against the headboard, wincing at the pull of his injury, though it seems not to be bleeding anymore. He looks pale, bloodless, and her husband's little laugh lines have turned to lines of pain on the angel.

"Castiel..."

_I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh _

"Amelia."

"Is...is Jimmy still there..."

The angel hesitates.

"In a way."

"What does that mean?" And even as she asks, she can't be sure she actually wants to know the answer to that question.

"His memories are..."

"You have his memories?"

"Yes."

She hesitates, "All of them?"

_I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them? _

Castiel frowns, brings a hand to the back of his neck and rubs it awkwardly, avoiding her gaze. The gesture looks completely foreign in her husband's body.

"Could I..." she swallows hard, but pushes on. She has to know. "Could I talk to him...for- for just a second?"

"That is not possible."

_I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer. _

"Ever?"

"No."

This thing takes her husband, and now he acts as if it's a simple matter, this notion that she'll never see Jimmy again, never kiss him, never watch him beam with pride at his daughter. He'll never walk her down the aisle or see grandkids. There will only be this angel, this being. She wonders if angels have souls.

"Are all of you this heartless?"

_The watchmen that went about the city found me, they smote me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me. _

For a moment, his eyes meet hers, mingling curiosity and if she thought him capable of it, she would have guessed remorse. But he answers her.

"Yes."

_I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love. _

"And I guess there's no point in asking you to take another body? Find some other woman's husband?" her voice breaks, "Give me back mine?"

_What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us? _

"No."

_His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem_


	6. The Garden

**THE GARDEN**

When this night is over, she'll get her daughter, and they'll run again, and Castiel will disappear. She isn't sure that it will be a relief.

_Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou fairest among women? whither is thy beloved turned aside? that we may seek him with thee. _

For now, he sleeps again, and the demons do not return. Do angels dream?

_My beloved is gone down into his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed in the gardens, and to gather lilies. _

She suppresses the urge to run her fingers through his hair.

_I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies. _

She watches him sleep, watches the tides of his breath in and out of his body, tries just to listen, to file that sound away for later. She is grateful he doesn't wake.

_Turn away thine eyes from me, for they have overcome me._


	7. Love As Strong As Death

**LOVE AS STRONG AS DEATH**

The light in the room starts to grey. Dawn will be here soon, and she feels her insides knot themselves. She isn't finished, hasn't finished taking in the shape of his nose or his jaw, or the sound of his breathing, or the width of his shoulders.

_I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, until he please. _

But he does wake. And when he stands and sets his hands on her shoulders, she thinks she may shatter.

_Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. _

A heartbeat later, they're standing out in a dew drenched field, outside Amelia's sister's farmhouse. They are standing face to face, inches apart, those eyes she knows better than her own pierce through her. Their breaths cloud and mingle, and the angel brings up a tentative hand, touches her cheek lightly with a cool palm.

_Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned. _

It feels strange. It doesn't feel like Jimmy's touch, but she closes her eyes, leans into it anyway, feels the tears stinging, and threatening.

_We have a little sister what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? _

But Claire. The breathless moment breaks. She has to protect her daughter, can never let her know that the ghost of her father is still so close.

_If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar. _

She opens her eyes and sees hesitance written clearly over the familiar features before her. She is the first to draw away. She asks him where she should go and he gives her the Winchesters' number again. He looks relieved.

_I am a wall, then was I in his eyes as one that found favour._

Did he know? Did Jimmy with all of his faith have any idea what his sacrifice would really be? What her sacrifice would be? Claire's?

He was so sure. So secure in his faith and the wisdom of God.

_thou, O Solomon_

In a heartbeat, the angel is gone.


End file.
